I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
