I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
