So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
