i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
