I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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