You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
