is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
