everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
