if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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