I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
