He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
