Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
