I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This is the high leading the old right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
