my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
