I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
