Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
