My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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