is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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