My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
this hospital has no fireball
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
