I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
