I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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