whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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