I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
