Don't you send me to vm
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize