Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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