I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
