You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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