You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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