She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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