....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
