Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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