isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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