wat bout pragnant strippers??
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
ok first of all what the fuck
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
