it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Drunk is not a location!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
