It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize