I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
