how can u be prego again
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
