First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
