fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
