worst night to have a conscience
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
