How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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