this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
