If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A bitchslap is in order.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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