When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
