I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
