I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
