just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
