I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
