Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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