3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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