I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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