i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize