He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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