I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
