My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
