I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
