are you still at the devil's house?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
