I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
