just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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