Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
