Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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