tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
