I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
