just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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