also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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