Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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