perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
