i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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